To Simi, Zack and Tara
The three beautiful children I dreamed of all my life,
Mummy wants to say she’s really sorry.
Simi the strong responsible one looking after her younger siblings
Zack the debonair rogue with a sensitive side,
As he has an older sister to respect and a younger sister to protect.
Tara the mischievous and irrepressible
The very likeness of her mother
Please forgive me
I should have taken better care
I started off on the right track but I lost my way
I was the good girl
I didn’t smoke, take drugs or sleep around
I was focused on learning and working hard
To become a wonderful mother able to support her kids
I held my mother up as an inspiration
I learnt from her mistakes
I swore never to let a man determine my fate
Or ever have the power to abuse my children
I also determined to develop her strength and compassion
And strived to be half as beautiful on the inside as she is
I thought I was on the right track
I got a good job and was earning money
I had an active social life and many friends
At times, my demons would torment me
And my insecurities threatened to overwhelm.
I threw myself into work and developed new interests
I became good friends with stress and had less time for life
I also took up drinking and neglected my health
The warning signs were there and I chose to ignore them
I put off facing the truth till it kicked me in the teeth
Life forced my hand, I had to face up to the consequences
I have no fear of pain, suffering or even death
I just feel an overwhelming sorrow of how I have failed you
It distresses me to no end that I did this.
I ran away from my problems when I should have faced them bravely
And now it is too late
Motherhood, that sacred concept of life,
Has now been denied me.
The very process my body was made for
That body I have now ravaged and destroyed,
Through neglect and lack of care.
I had soo much to show you and soo much to impart.
I couldn’t wait to suckle you at my breasts
And hold you all in my arms.
You my beautiful wonderful children that I soo looked forward to meeting
How I would have loved you soo.
Please forgive me.
Mummy has cervical cancer and the doctors need to operate.
This means that I can not have children
And you will never come to life.
8 comments:
Now that I'm over my initial fear that this might be true, my initial impressions as I read it were that it's a beautiful poem and a very novel concept.
But then I read the last stanza and panicked that it might be real and found it overwhelmingly sad. Probably one of the saddest things I've read in a while. I'm not sure whether it's my state of mind or the fact that I know you but it's so sad to think that someone who anticipates having children might one day realise that it is impossible.
It's obviously very well written because it really got to me.
This is deep. It just points out that no matter how much we strive to be that "independant" woman there is more to life than money and fame. The beauty of being a woman, the joy is to know you have the secret passage to life.
Well done girl! You should publish!
Changed what Outlook? I haven't changed anything. Although, I am thinking of changing the background - its a little distracting. And the sunset one was too viceral. Hmmm - need to get a good picture/photo background
That's beautiful - thank you! I too made 1982's mistake of thinking it might be real. My guess is that it's real for someone.
I love this blog - you write poetry like it's real life. :-)
Ahh - no worries. My week is ok - i'm ill have a cold cant breathe or sleep properly, but the weekend was good soo ...
How's your week?
Noni,
I've read this more than 10 times and each time I read it I sigh.
There's all a point where we should have taken a little more care don't you think?.
These words are beautiful, sad, haunting but oh soo poignant.
It really is beautiful in a sad way.. So yeah you should see me, I'm smiling and signing at the same time
very intense poem......got to the last stanza and i was shocked.......
Aaaawww thanks Funmi & Soul. Hope you guys have a good week.
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