Wednesday, February 17, 2016


So I probably said this ages ago when I used to write properly but a lot of what I write just pops into my head randomly and I am compelled to write it. Sometimes I'd be watching something which would strike a chord or read something or meet someone, but 99% of the time my poetry is never about me.

This is the 1%. This time last year I was going through a very difficult time and I like to think of myself as not being very emotional in general. This day however, I had a mini panic attack and completely lost control. I found myself bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating in the games room at work, which has a clear glass wall. Anyone walking by or in the breakout could have seen and possibly heard me but I couldn't control it or make myself stop. But anyways - I got through it and a year on things are better.  I truly hope to never feel that way again.


Fear lances through my heart
Squeezes my chest in an iron-barbed grip
I have no control of this situation
I have no concept of what I am going to do
My airways are suddenly congested
I am struggling to breathe though my nostrils
The confusion and unfamilarity of this feeling
is causing me to hyperventilate
My eyes feel heavy and are starting to burn
Am I crying? 
Fuck I'm crying!
Loud wracking sobs with chest heaving
Tears streaming down my face
In tandem with the snot dripping from my nose
And I cant make it stop ...
I cant make it stop!
What am I going to do?

Saturday, February 13, 2016


Look at my creation
What do you see?

An image of a woman smiling?
She was probably laughing her head off a moment ago
Merriment dancing in her eyes
Is it confusion? Wonder? Impatience?
What makes her smile drop ever so slightly with each passing frame?
Tiredness? Weariness? Wanting to get this moment over and done with?

I see a sadness in her eye
Particularly at the last moment
The wattage of her smile
Gleam in her eye has dimmed to black
Her guard has slipped ever so slightly
Almost like a front has dropped
You can see through the smile
To the underlying sorrow in her gaze
This is a woman in pain.

Friday, February 05, 2016

Woman in a photograph

I want to be the woman
In an Annie Leibovitz photograph
That commands respect
Has an innate beauty
Without a scrap of makeup
And laughter lines round her eyes
Without a crazy outfit or
Dramatic background to hold your gaze
But that awe-inspiring charisma
That stops you in your tracks
Makes you look back
Do a double take.

Tuesday, February 02, 2016


The smell hits me first
The blood that streamed in rivulets is beginning to cake
Flies have started to perch in swarms
This is a massacre
My Massacre.

The screaming in my head
Drowns out everything he is saying
Then Silence.
Dead Silence.
He did this for me.

Our eyes meet and I know
He can see the torrents of emotions
Washing over me
What do I succumb to?

Glee. Satisfaction. Revelry
My tormentors have been defeated
Horror. The sheer scale …
Savagery of his violence
Regret. I would have watched
Seen them fall one by one
Wonder. How did he do this?
Wring this much damage and destruction

If he can do this to them
Can he do this to me?
Will he do this to me?

Monday, February 01, 2016

Hamster On a Wheel

Keep going
Keep going
Legs churning
Chest burning
Keep going
Keep going
Grab the cheese
Bite the carrot
Keep going
Keep eating
Sip champagne
Down the whisky
Keep going
Keep drinking
Sugar high
Dizzy low
Keep going
Keep going
Working stupid
Sleeping little
Keep going
Keep pushing
Television all night
Seeing friends all day
Keep going
Keep trying
Feel the pressure
Feel the stress
Acid burning
Breath gasping
Keep going
Keep pushing
Ground lifting
Stomach heaving
Keep going
Keep turning
Heart booming
Chest exploding
Legs twitching
Arms flailing
No more movement
Breath fades
Everything stops

The end