The Dark Passenger

Me
She
Always with me.
I sometimes feel like I have two personalities.
I sometimes feel like this other totally different person takes over
It’s me and it’s not me
I would never cheat on my partner
Yet I feel no qualms about having another woman’s man
Some people see me as very quiet and reserved
Others think I’m very loud and sociable
In some respects I am a creature of habit
In others the soul of spontaneity

The Dark Passenger
She thinks things
Does things
Says things
Just because.
She has a cruel mean streak
That I can never justify or explain
She, it was
Who slapped Richard with every bite he refused to take,
Till he finished the food he wanted to waste
She, it was
Who ripped Becca’s bloated self esteem
Exposing the very essence of her self-worth
With an insouciance that was all the more devastating
She, it was
Who thought
I would love to stick a knife in your stomach
Gut you like a pig
See how much of a man you really are,
When your insides start to spew
And you choke on your blood
(Whilst I,
Whimpered and apologised
For giving daddy a reason
To attack and abuse me)
She was the one who wondered
Were mummy to die now,
Would we then be able to escape him and live some semblance of a normal life?

My Dark Passenger
For as long as I can remember
That voice that speaks to me
That instinct that warns me of danger
Heightens the awareness of my surroundings and environment
That aspect that takes over
Sometimes unbidden,
Sometimes unconsciously
She is usually very patient and silent
She forever watches,
Forever keeps tabs and records
Waiting until an opportunity arises
Until someone gives her an opening
Presents her with an excuse to take over
To unleash her fangs
People think they can mess with me
They grossly underestimate her
Deon still has the scars from our fight
Catherine keeps a safe distance after our encounter
It took 4 hours for the ranting and raving to subside

The Dark Passenger
Has a murderous temper that scares me sometimes
There is no sense of reasoning or rationale
She becomes feral
All she knows is to attack
Find a weak spot and tear at it as viciously as possible
I try and counteract her as much as I am able
I have no idea of the limits she would go
I have no wish to truly find out
I am however forced to admit
The dark passenger is me
A part of me
I try and fight her sometimes
But it is oh so delicious to just give in
Sublime to let go and let her do her thing
I luxuriate in the fear she elicits
The uncertainty that sparks up in people’s eyes
When they realise they have crossed the boundary
I relish sinking my teeth into their pain
And the agony I know I can impact.

My dark passenger
Forever fused, she and I
She is the yang to my ying