Reading through
Kafo's blog, I came across her take on the
6 degrees of separation that
Olawunmi had started months ago. I remember at the time I started off writing something but I never put it up because it wasn't very good and I didn't have time to edit it or re-work it. This is how I know I can't write to order. When I force it, it never comes out as good as I hope. Reading her poem, I got inspired and wrote another one.
I am going to put both of them up. It would be really interesting (to me anyways) to see which you think is the better one and which you think I wrote first. Sorry it's going to be long as they are both in two parts. :-D
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Degrees of Separation 1You see I think it’s all a matter of perspective.
He/She – part 1
I made a pact
I will always be true to myself
No holds barred
If I want something, I go for it
If I want you and you’re willing,
I will have you
Free will
We all know there are consequences to our actions
Yet we do them anyways
You should not judge me till you’ve walked in my shoes
Been where I’ve been
Experienced what I have.
So I’ve experimented with a lot of people
I’ve lived my life and I have no regrets
All my past actions make me the person I am today
The person you have now fallen in love with.
Those past actions do not make me any less of a human being
Any less of that kind, sweet, funny, and exciting person you so cherish.
So I slept with your sister
It was long before I met you
And it has no bearing to how I feel about you
So I slept with your best friend
At the time it felt right
It doesn’t make me care any less about you
And it won’t change how I would ever treat you in future
You should be able to take me as I am
Warts and all with the baggage to spare
Else you lose what may well be the perfect person for you
In which case you don’t deserve the person I am now.
He/She – Part 2
The old adages warn us to be careful
Think before we act, learn from other people’s experiences
I listened and chose wisely
I didn’t give in willy nilly to anyone that might suddenly have taken my fancy
I waited till I found the one I truly believed was mine
I waited till I found you
I believe that when you sleep with someone,
You share a piece of your soul with them
You form a connection with that person
You that have slept with my sister, brother, bestfriend
You that have “lived” and slept with whoever and as many
Your soul is now but a fraction of what it once was
It has formed soo many other connections,
It is heavy with the weight of past lovers
My soul in comparison is relatively light
It lacks any ties or connections that cannot easily be shaken off
We are thus no longer made of the same ilk
We can thus not be compatible partners.
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Degrees of Separation 2
These are the reasons why those degrees of separation are oh so important.
I realise it is not that they bother me personally
Or affect my opinions of you and your past actions
It’s more how they affect the people in my/our lives.
For him
All he can see is us naked in bed
All he can hear is me moaning and writhing in delight
All he can imagine is the pleasure you must have brought me
Over, and over again
You see imagination is the key
He doesn’t know or want to know the details
It’s implanted in his head, unbidden and unshakeable
That almost taken for granted, never thought about notion, that I am his and his alone, has been thoroughly disabused
That seed of doubt blossoms ever soo brightly, every time he sees us together
His faith in us (me and him as a unity) has been broken
He can now picture me with another!
He can now picture me in unity with someone else
The possibility that he may not be enough for me, has risen in his mind
The thought that someone else has done all those things he’s done or wanted to do me, all but drives him crazy.
It torments him even more that it is you
His brother, cousin, best friend, family.
It tortures him that it is you, because he cannot hate you for it
It torments him that he cannot channel that anger and sense of betrayal out of our relationship
It is a sense of betrayal because he feels he’s lost out on his investment
The proceeds are not as sweet or as forthcoming as he hoped
Had he known all the extenuating factors of my past, he would never have made the commitment to me in the first place.
For her
It doesn’t matter that you were a total bastard
It doesn’t matter that you were young and immature and hadn’t learn’t how to treat a woman
It doesn’t matter that you were mean and cold to her
Or that you trampled all over her emotions
It doesn’t matter that you may have screwed around and cheated on her
Or that your relationship was basically one big of mess of fights and recriminations
All she remembers is how she held on for soo long
All she thinks about is how her love and patience helped smooth your rough edges
All she knows is that your relationship with her helped shape the man you are today.
It doesn’t matter that she’s moved on several times over
It doesn’t matter that she no longer has feelings for you
It doesn’t even matter that her man is perfect for her!
Or that he treats her a hundred times better than you ever did
All she can think about it is how all her hard work is now benefiting someone else
All she can see is how much you’ve changed and how happy you make me
All she knows is that the thought of us (me and you)
Leaves a very bitter taste in her mouth
It is even sour because I am her sister, cousin, best friend
And she cannot hate me for it
It is a double blow because were it some distant nameless person,
I would be the one she would come running to, pouring out all her anguish
I would be the one who would call “that woman” all sorts of names
I would be the one reminding her that you were a no-good foolish man
and I would be the one pointing out that she is in a much better place now.
It is hard for her because I am the other woman, and she cannot talk to me about it
Her love for me also means she cannot bitch about me guilt-free
Hence she cannot channel out these negative emotions.
The bitterness colours her relationship with me because all she wonders is –
What is it that makes you love me soo much more than you ever did her?
What do I do (that she couldn’t) that now makes you soo happy?
What is it about me, that she soo obviously lacked?
It is that feeling that (at least in your eyes) I am better than her, that she cannot live with
It is that feeling that clouds her head and her love for me every time she sees, thinks or hears of us together
It is that hurt, anger and attack on her self-esteem which is the cost of our love.
It is too high a price and one which, she will have to pay.
I cannot then knowingly, make her pay that price at my expense.
This, is why we can never be.
