I Miss You

Sometimes.
Not all the time, but sometimes
I miss you.
I know this doesn’t change anything
I just felt the need to put it out there.

Those days,
When the pain of loss could still slam into my wellbeing
When the thought of you made me catch my breath
When certain incidents sent me tripping down memory lane …
Those days are mostly gone.
Too much time has past
I have changed in soo many ways
I’m betting you have too.

That as it may,
There are those times,
When I see your name in an email forward
When news filters down from our mutual friends
(Of your impending nuptials for example)
I find myself thinking about you
And I find I really do miss you.

I miss you as you were then
I realise now that I have tried to replace you with countless others
I have surrounded myself with people who represent different parts of you
I keep hoping that the sum of the parts will be greater than the whole
Yet there is still some little void that aches.
It troubles me from time to time
Reminding me there is something missing
I am not complete.

I find it soo weird to imagine
You could possibly be getting married,
Without me being involved.
I still find it hard to believe
We are no longer part of each other’s lives.

I have to admit,
Most of the time I don’t care.
You are no longer at the forefront of my thoughts
If I’m honest, I only ever think of you when your name comes up
Which, in my current circle, very rarely happens.

I know we’ve gone way past being able to be friends
I also know it is not my place to do anything about it
I was the one who messed up,
You were the one who chose to cut me out.
I’ve gotten past the anger and the hurt
I can’t understand why you won’t forgive me or let go
I’ve given up trying to know why and what exactly
I’ve simply stopped caring.

Nevertheless,
There are times.
Times like this
When I think about you
And my life seems slightly empty without you
And I find myself compelled to say
I miss you.