This is inspired by a story I just read on Overwhelmed Naija Babe’s blog about her boyfriend saying I love you first. It struck a chord with me because I’ve been in almost the same situation which I can talk about in my blog – musings of a commitment phobe.
Loving Me.
I love you
Three simple words
Whispered from his lips
Lying within the dark tangle of silken sweaty sheets
Snatched by the night and laid out
Bare.
Naked.
Irretractable.
Oh Shit…
I am so scared.
I stiffen in his arms
I love you
Three very simple universal words
Hard and inescapable
I don’t know why those words fill me with terror
I start to panic.
What does this mean?
How will this change the dynamic of our relationship?
How can I cope with the added pressure of looking after his heart as well?
I’ve lived with the responsibility of being invulnerable for soo long
I forget how it all began.
When did I make the conscious decision/promise to never have my heart broken?
I don’t want to be here.
I am truly not ready for this.
My eyes well with tears
I love spending time with him.
I love the little endearing things he does
I love the way he makes me feel.
I am however, not in love.
The silence stretches out unbearably
Tension.
Pain.
Anger.
Coursing through me
How could he do this to me?
WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!!!
No Titles! No Labels!!
This was supposed to be a light, fun filled, “let’s see where this goes” affair.
I am a lone ranger
No strings. No ties
I come and go as I please
I hurt no one and no one hurts me
What does he know about love?
What does anyone know about love?
How can he love me?
I don’t want to turn around
I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes
I cannot give him what he wants
I also cannot hide how I feel nor lie to him
He knows me too well
I shrug off his arms and get out bed
I slowly put my clothes on and pick up my bag.
I turn with a heavy heart and look at him for the last time
No words are needed.
He knows as well as I do.
We are over.
4 comments:
Oh my gosh I love you! No you're terrific - you writing style, words everything - totally inspirational!
As for the poem, i just took what you put in your blog and ran with it - putting myself in your shoes. However Please dont be like the stupid girl in my poem as your guy sounds wonderful so hope it all works out for you.
As for the other stuff - I understand. I also made a vow never to let a guy control me but it made me in turn become a big time control freak when it came to relationships but that is a whole other tale.
Thank you again - such praise coming from you is much appreciated.
oh that was to ONB btw.
cool poem..
i can hardly go on gushing about your poem after what overwhelmed.n.b has said now, can i. dont want it getting to ur head lol.
i havent felt exactly that b4- noone has loved me *sniff* lol.. what has happened is unrequited like, and it wasnt such a big deal for me...
ok lets not destroy the flow now!
cool poetry..
I think y'all need to challenge yourself and stay. So he loves you, what's the worst that can happen? Stop taking the easy way out, you hurt yourself and show less confidence in your own self will (and inner strength) by shrinking away.
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